How to Teach Your Kids About Consent
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How to Teach Your Kids About Consent
Parenting is an ever evolving job. It is certainly not the same as when we were growing up 30+ years ago. Living in a world where we, as adults, need to practice consent, we also need to instill those same lessons in our children. Though the subject matter is dark and difficult to talk about, we need to teach our children to be aware of sexual assault. One might ask, how do we teach the importance of consent and how to practice it when our children are young? It may seem like a daunting task, but it doesn’t necessarily mean making the discussion about sex but rather talking about and teaching boundaries.
Just so we’re all on the same page, here is the definition for consent: To agree to do or allow something; to give permission for something to happen or be done.
Here’s are three ways we can teach kids about consent:
1. Educate your child about their body and their rights.
The first thing you want to do is teach your child about their body. Name the parts and call them by their actual names. Talk about what each part of your body is for. And teach your child that their body belongs to them. No one is allowed to touch their body without their permission. There are lots of children’s books on body parts that can help you with this process.
It’s important to establish and keep this line of communication open, so children know they can always talk to you about their body and not feel uncomfortable.
2. Teach your kids about boundaries.
Once your child understands their body, the next lesson of teaching consent should focus on setting boundaries. This can be done by setting healthy boundaries for everyone in the household and having appropriate consequences when those boundaries are crossed. We can begin to have lessons about physical boundaries as soon as children begin to become aware.
This includes:
Not using our hands to hurt
Using our voice and words
Asking permission for hugs and kisses
Explaining who can touch your body and when
The last point is very important. As parents, we need to start having conversations with our children about who is allowed to touch their bodies, when and how.
For example:
Explaining to your child that Mommy, Daddy or a Caretaker can touch them when they’re changing a diaper, or helping them go potty.
Explaining that a Doctor can touch them to give a check up as long as Mommy or Daddy are there and say it’s OK.
The best way to approach tough subjects is to break it down into bite-sized pieces of information and go over it frequently. Explain it to your child and then reverse the question and ask them to explain to you.
For example, ask your child:
Who is allowed to touch your butt? When are they allowed to touch your butt?”
This ensures that your child understands the boundary and is retaining the information.
3. Asking for permission and respecting that NO means NO.
This one seems obvious but we want to teach children to ask for permission when being physical with another person and to respect them when they say “No.” This is something that we can model at home by teaching children that we respect their wishes when they don’t want to be hugged, tickled or kissed. This will teach children that they should stop touching when a friend says “no.”
For example:
When your child is upset and crying, get down on their level and ask if they would like a hug. If they say no, then you can say, “Ok. I’m here for you when you want me.”
Through modeling, this teaches children that they have the power to grant you permission to comfort them physically and that you respect their boundaries. You also can encourage your children to be more vocal when they don’t want to do something.
For example:
If you’re tickling your child and they say stop, make sure to stop.
If your child vocalizes that they don’t want to give someone a hug or kiss, then respect their boundaries and support them by telling them they don’t have to.
Teaching consent is something that is a fluid learning experience for the whole family, starting from when they are toddlers all the way to adulthood. For more information visit Safe, Secure Kids.