Sanity Tips for a Stay-at-Home Parent
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Taking care of your child (or children) all day is hard. There is no “perfect” way to do it, but here are a few tips to help a stay-at-home parent better manage this huge (and often underappreciated) undertaking…
Set goals and make a (flexible) schedule.
A few questions to ask yourself:
What do you want to accomplish for the week?
What are your priorities for your child and for yourself?
What can you take off your list, reschedule, or delegate?
It’s important to get clear on what you expect of your week. Do you want to make sure you get your child(ren) to the park every day? Do you want to do a specific craft activity? Is there a learning project/goal for each week?
Make a schedule for the week to help you manage your expectations and find a time for the things you want to prioritize. Remember to make your schedule flexible to account for the fact that you can’t predict everything as a parent, and sometimes things just don’t go according to plan.
My husband and I sit down together every Sunday evening to go over the week ahead. We look through our schedule and tasks for the week and discuss what we need to prioritize, who’s responsible for each task and how we can help each other to accomplish our goals as a family.
Remember that you can’t do everything, and there are almost always items on your list that you can remove, push out, or delegate. Maybe this week isn’t the time for cleaning out your hall closet. That’s okay. Push it to the following week or even next month. Or try to tackle it on the weekend with your partner.. or maybe your child can actually help you with this task and you can turn it into a learning activity for them. If you have appointments or tasks that can’t wait, make those the priority and work everything else around them.
Utilize a family planning tool like the Maple app.
This part is crucial. I can’t keep track of the endless to-do lists and tasks without help…and for the longest time I kept my tasks and lists noted all over the place. I was using my calendar, the notes tool on my phone + post-its and written lists all over my house. Sometimes I would even send myself emails or text messages. That mish-mash of note keeping and tracking was just not working. It also didn’t provide a way for my husband and I to tackle things together. We needed one place to house all of our household and family management.
Using a tool like Maple helps us stay organized and work out our priorities and schedule every day. My husband and I can add tasks, notes and events under different topics so we’re both on top of our own individual needs and our household/family priorities, too. We can house our family calendar and tasks in one place. This has been such a huge game-changer for us as a team, but especially for me as the primary parent/caregiver. I’m better able to manage my daily schedule and family needs since we started using Maple as a family.
Make yourself a priority.
You can not pour from an empty cup. As parents we tend to put our own needs last, when the reality is that we can not be our best for our children if we’re not giving ourselves what we need. You give yourself to others all day, you need to make sure you have some time for yourself, too.
What fills your cup? Is it an hour of reality TV? A manicure? Yoga? Sitting in silence and staring at the wall with a hot cup of coffee for 20 minutes? Whatever it is, make time for it - and make that time non-negotiable. I know for some this can sound like an “easier said than done” situation - but there IS a portion of your day that you can dedicate to yourself in some way. You may not be able to have a full blown spa day, but that’s not the point. This can take some practice and may require some thoughtful reflection. Find a way to make meaningful time for yourself - and remember that this may look different every day.
Parents who know how to take care of themselves are therefore able to teach the importance of real self care and self compassion to their children.
Create a safe space in your home.
Something that can really help to facilitate this is making a “safe space” in your home.
Make one room or space in your home where your child(ren) can be contained but explore and play safely.
What this looks like will vary greatly depending on your child’s age and abilities, but the point is to have a little safe haven where your child can play and not need your constant involvement or supervision in their play time. Maybe the “safe space” is the crib while you take a shower…it will look different at every stage and for every parent, but try to find something you feel comfortable with so you can get through your day, too.
**This does not mean I’m suggesting you leave your child alone in another room for hours on end…but you should be able to safely step away for a moment to use the bathroom, unload the dishwasher, etc. We often forget that children are resilient and can be self-sufficient in many ways if we let them - and provide a safe environment in which to do so.
Ask for the help you need.
I’m sure you’ve already heard this - but I’m here to remind you again that it is okay to ask for help. I also understand that help isn’t necessarily available to everyone, and your own personal situations vary greatly. But if you do have the option - if you have a parent or in-law living nearby, a neighbor you know and trust, a friend you can rely on - call them. Ask them to come over and play with/hold/watch your child(ren) for an hour. It can’t hurt to ask.
Maybe there’s a neighborhood play group you can join that offers a rotating childcare system among the parents in the group. Take some time to research options around you and see if there are groups or places you can bring your child to give yourself a rest if you need to. Many libraries offer free story hours or events where you can bring your child and then veg out for an hour while they’re distracted and interacting with other kiddos. If you have the means to hire a sitter for a few hours or take them to a structured daycare or activity that’s great - but even if you can’t do that there are some free options out there that might work for you.
Use technology to your advantage.
Let’s stop making screen time the enemy and start looking at it as a useful tool - not only for your child’s development but for your own sanity. There is no prize for “parent who never allows screen time” so there’s no reason to act like there is.
Allowing your child some time to watch a TV show or movie has many benefits…not only can it provide an educational and engaging experience offering new words and situations for your child to understand, but it can also save you from the mental overload of parenting. Just think of screen time as another tool in your parental toolbox.
If I need to get something done in my home (or even if I just need 20 minutes to veg out and not have to think about anything) and I know my child won’t let that happen easily, I use the tools I have at my disposal. Sometimes that’s setting up a coloring station for them with crayons and paper when I need to clean the kitchen. Sometimes I hand them an iPad with Sesame Street when I need to change and fold 3 loads of laundry…Of course it depends on the situation, your child(ren)’s age and your needs, but use all the tools you have at your disposal to get through your days. I promise it’s not the end of the world.
This leads me to my last tip:
Give the guilt a rest.
Remember that there is no perfect recipe for parenting. Give yourself some grace and recognize that you’re an amazing parent - no really, say it out loud to yourself regularly. You’re doing the best you can. Getting through each day as a stay at home parent is challenging and you should be proud of yourself however you’re doing it. It may look like having pre-planned crafts, gourmet snacks and pinterest-worthy activities ready to go. It could also look like handing your child a bag of cheerios and putting Daniel Tiger on the TV so you can brush your hair. It’s okay to experience both of those situations or any variation of them in a week - or even in a day.
As parents we can feel programmed to dish out heaping portions of guilt onto ourselves. Thinking “nothing is ever good enough, I’m not good enough”…but that’s just not true. Your child needs a loving and safe home with a parent who cares. Need proof that you’re capable of giving them that? You already care enough to read this.
Stay at home parents rarely get the credit they deserve, and the challenges of being the main caregiver of a child or children vary so much from day to day. I hope you’re able to make some space to set yourself up for success by taking time to plan, being flexible and giving yourself some grace.
