What is Gentle Parenting? Here are the 4 Key Elements
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Post by Denise Pernula for Maple
Parenting Types have become pop culture buzz words --- “Tiger Mom”, “Helicopter Mom”, “Disneyland Dad”, the Authoritarian/Authoritative (huh?) Parents, but which parenting style actually cultivates a happy, confident, independent human?
Introducing, Gentle Parenting, an evidence-based approach to raising a child who feels safe, loved and valued. Gentle Parenting strikes a balance between overly rigid (Tiger and Authoritarian) and super lax with zero or low expectations (Permissive) parenting.
There are four key elements to the Gentle Parenting lifestyle that will allow you to foster a tight bond with your child while guiding them to learn and grow.
The 4 Key Elements of Gentle Parenting
Empathy
Gentle Parents are responsive to their child’s needs, work to understand their emotional needs and allow them to explore their emotions. For instance, if your child is throwing a tantrum, gentle parents offer support. “I am here for you when you are ready, I will always be here for you,” and patiently wait until they work through their emotions. This kind and supportive approach nurtures a deep connection with your child. It demonstrates control, love, and empathy. This strategy, however, doesn’t mean boundaries aren’t kept and the tantrum wins.
Respect
Gentle Parents work with their children in everyday challenging situations to find a solution. They openly communicate while maintaining consistent boundaries. They use respectful, non-punitive punishment such as natural consequences or time-IN’s. During a time-in, your child is invited to sit near you to self sooth. Time-ins teach children to calm themselves and self-reflect. Yelling, threatening, spanking, or time outs (Authoritarian Parenting) are not used as Gentle Parenting consequences.
Understanding
Understanding validates your children’s concerns – if they have an issue at school, truly listen and empathize, “That must have hurt your feelings when he said that.” Then work through the issue, “Do you have any ideas why he would have said something like that?” This validates your child’s feelings and helps them consider the other person’s point of view. Ask if they can think of a resolution to the problem.
Boundaries
Children learn from us; we are their teachers. As their guide, we must set consistent age-appropriate boundaries and adhere to them. Out of respect, explain why the boundary is in place. “We enjoy one sweet treat a day, because we take good care of our bodies, our bodies are special and the only one we get.” The child receives a valuable life-lesson instead of the dismissive, Authoritarian, “Because I said so!” approach. This gentle and firm strategy leads to positive childhood growth and development.
Gentle parenting requires nothing more than kindness, dedication, and consistency with your children. This nurturing environment primes them to become confidant, free-thinking adults.
If you would like to learn more about Gentle Parenting, we highly recommend “The Gentle Parenting Book” by Sarah Ockwell-Smith.
Writing and Image supplied by Denise Pernula for Maple.